she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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