I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
