the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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