Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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