and you said cock pushups were impossible
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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