period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize