My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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