yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
