Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
