My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
