what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
