jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
