Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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