shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
