Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
