Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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