i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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