My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
