enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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