The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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