Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
