people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
