you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
