Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
