Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
