I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
