I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
