This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my sisters under your porch take her home
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
