Will you blow on my dice?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
