There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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