I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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