i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
