This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
