She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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