He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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