I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
