I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
