Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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