I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
