shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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