there's paper in my vomit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
