He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
