I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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