i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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