im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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