well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
