I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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