this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
