Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
