and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
