That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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