she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize