Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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