Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
