The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
