trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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