I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize