Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
