We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
As shirtless as possible
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
