I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
