I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
