I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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