...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
