Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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