She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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