she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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