something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
