He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
