I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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