Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
